pearls

Afterthought 19—A Poisoned Kiss

Posted in pantoum by maggie on 2014/12/10
 

Even now after everything you're still his,
light of a false sun defining what you see.
You hear only what he says, not what is,
giving up on the fight for who you'll be.

Giving up on the fight for who you'll be,
you yield him all control. You're left alone,
light of a false sun defining what you see
until all you could ever have been is gone.

Until all you could ever have been is gone
you give up your words, your light, your heart.
You yield him all control, you're left alone —
Fools never understand metaphor nor art.

Fools never understand metaphor nor art.
You hear only what he says, not what is,
you give up your words, your light, your heart —
Even now after everything you're still his.
 
 
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Facefirst 2

Posted in pantoum by maggie on 2010/04/09

My face makes the nicest toilet bowl when I laugh.
One that won't flush.   But keeps on getting used.
Do I laugh too much?   It's the only face I have.
So what.   That ain't the worst of me abused.

I keep on getting used.   Just can't get me flushed.
But though no one else raised a hand, mine was sincere.
So what, that ain't the best of me gone bust.
It's what I do for fun.   It's why I'm here.

And I'm sincere, though no one else raises a hand,
not even you.   Hey, can't you spare a joke?
It's how I have my fun.   It's what I'd planned,
there's nothing else to see beneath the cloak.

Can no one take a joke, not even you?
Look at me, poking my lips with a fork to behave.
Beneath the veil, there's nothing else to do —
unlike a good girl, my laughter is all I gave.

It's how I behave, scraping my lips with a fork.
I wasn't born that way.   I've been restored.
I gave my laughter, like a good girl now I work
once held down, spread out, got my laughter poured.

I've been restored!   One's never born so whole
as if laughter and alcohol were next of kin
once held down, spread out, substance in control.
I laugh at that.   That's me, bottle of gin.

Like next of kin, my laughter's pure alcohol
teased off yellow brittle broken teeth.
Next bottle of gin!   Laugh!   (Just me, that's all.)
Destroy my body, laughter's still how I breathe.

My broken teeth, they laugh the way I meant.
That sometimes even helps me pay my dues,
breathing straight even when my body's bent
as though I laugh at what, for whom, of whose.

It pays my dues, to laugh the way I'm taught,
like writing poetry, like laughing at the attempt.
Whoever, whatever, I laugh more at than not
since laughter written down is laughter dreamt.

I laugh at the attempt, like making up verse
in bloody leather black on barbedwire white,
in forms I've only dreamed.   Could it get worse?
It's damaged!   That's the reason it's so right!

In razor white on bruised and burning black,
I laugh.   I really laugh.   It's how I purge.
That's right: it laughs, I do it damage back.
It's my self-portrait, my most basic urge,

and yes, how I do purge: I laugh up my guts.
I laugh so damn much, it's all the face I have.
It's how I see myself, no ifs ands or buts —
A toilet bowl, that would be me when I laugh laugh laugh.

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Just Once

Posted in pantoum by maggie on 2009/10/27
Just Once

Just once I'd like to be the one on top
where I'm controlling pressure, push and pace
and how long we'll go on before we stop,
without a fear that I might lose my place —

where I'm controlling pressure, push and pace
for both of us, to bring us there in synch
without a fear that I might lose my place
if I don't care what anyone might think.

For both of us, to bring us there in synch,
I'd give attention to your each response.
If I don't care what anyone might think,
then we could take this where our love most wants.

I'd give attention to your each response,
if only I knew we were good to go.
Then we could take this where our love most wants,
or if not, I'll return back down below.

If only I knew we were good to go
and how long we'll go on before we stop!
(Or if not, I'll return back down below...
Just once I'd like to be the one on top.)

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used to be

Posted in pantoum by maggie on 2009/10/23
used to be

i finally get it, excuse me for what all i'm not
when you do it so well, it's something to keep
you always had something special worth being got
when i do it my way, it's insulted as cheap

when you do it so well, it's something to keep
keep that i would, if it went better with mine
when i do it my way, it's insulted as cheap
used to be, yours and mine knew how to combine

keep that i would, if it went better with mine
when you do it so well, we know it as need
used to be, yours and mine knew how to combine
when i do it my way, it's thought of as greed

when you do it so well, we know it as need
need that i would, but i'd have to be there
when i do it my way, it's thought of as greed
used to be, yours and mine were hungry to share

need that i would, but i'd have to be there
when you do it so well, it's some exquisite word
used to be, yours and mine were hungry to share
when i do it my way, it's better off unheard

when you do it so well, it's some exquisite word
word i would dream, if i had the right head
when i do it my way, it's better off unheard
used to be, it went without being so unsaid

word i would dream, if i had the right head
when you do it so well, it's a perfect touch
used to be, it went without being so unsaid
when i do it my way, it's so nothing much

when you do it so well, it's a perfect touch
you always had something special worth being got
when i do it my way, it's so nothing much
i finally get it, excuse me for what all i'm not



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phantom pantoums

Posted in pantoum by maggie on 2009/08/03
phantom pantoums

i've seen the end, it's come time to resign —
every breath past here has its own word
(i knew them all, i loved them all like mine
and yours) - i've left you every sound i've heard.

every breath past here has its own word,
while each word speaks an endless silence (his
and yours) - i've left you every sound i've heard
to dedicate what can't be to what is.

while each word speaks an endless silence, his
are promises of worlds that never were.
to dedicate what can't be to what is,
you sacrificed to him and i to her.

are promises of worlds that never were
enough to recreate what we've destroyed?
you sacrificed to him and i to her -
we give the most to what's our greatest void.

enough! to recreate what we've destroyed -
that's why we sing the song, it's what
we give the most to. what's our greatest void?
the word we left unsaid, the door left shut.

that's why we sing. the song - it's what
each fragile moment aches to be there for:
the word we left unsaid, the door left shut,
our secret lives, the dreams that spoke of more.

         each fragile moment aches to be there, for
         i've seen the end. it's come time to resign
         our secret lives, the dreams that spoke of more.
         (i knew them all, i loved them all like mine)

each fragile moment aches to be there for
our freedom, our control, that light ahead,
our secret lives, the dreams that spoke of more
(though nothing more about us need be said).

our freedom, our control, that light ahead -
how is it home has always felt so near?
though nothing more about us need be said,
my friends will come around to itch your ear.

         how is it home has always felt so near?
         i've seen the end. it's come time to resign.
         (my friends will come around to itch your ear.
         i knew them all, i loved them all like mine)

how is it home has always felt so near?
there was a time i used to give a damn.
my friends will come around to itch your ear -
don't tell them where or what or how i am.

there was a time i used to give a damn
for those who feigned the same for what they gave.
don't tell them where or what or how i am -
there's nothing in my soul worth shit to save.

         for those who feigned the same for what they gave -
         i knew them all, i loved them all like mine.
         there's nothing in my soul worth shit to save.
         i've seen the end. it's come time to resign.

for those who feigned the same, for what they gave,
i can't make up the difference nor the change.
there's nothing in my soul worth shit to save,
i've nothing in my head one might call strange.

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if i must sleep

Posted in pantoum by maggie on 2009/07/30
if i must sleep

how much more do we make this legend go?
i have to sleep some now against my will
i've worked it down to the last few things i know
it hurts me finding you and him there still

i have to sleep some now against my will
i want you haunting all my dreaming but
it hurts me finding you and him there still
why must i watch? why can't my eyes stay shut?

i want you haunting all my dreaming but
i know he'll run there too, he always does
why must i watch? why can't my eyes stay shut?
if dreams come true, i want them how it was

i know he'll run there too, he always does
at least if i must sleep, set no alarms
if dreams come true, i want them how it was
let sleep last until i wake up in your arms

at least if i must sleep, set no alarms
i've worked it down to the last few things i know
let sleep last until i wake up in your arms
how much more do we make this legend go?

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