Afterthought 17—Contemplation on Dusk

How could you let him strip you of your wings so you might wallow in his bed? Why did you let him blind your eyes, to keep you hid from your own vision, one of his bleak things? How dared you let him choke the voice that sings a song you now can't hear? Why let him rid your word its passions once held close, now slid into loose lies and vague meanderings? The planets, all in retrograde too soon, it must have been, right?—backfire from a shot against a love you dared let him impugn, to whom it was he killed not giving thought. You wane your way to dawn, so like the moon you look around for, so sincere, yet not.

pearls 

A Trivial Indiscretion

Your bedroom door's half open. I'm supposed to feel as welcome as if I belonged as much at home with you as any dream you've dreamed up on your own. How've I so wronged myself this easily? Let's keep it closed. The door, yes that, but also what's been said between us. Words show barely what they seem, not when they're such rash promises in bed unsuited to a street's concrete regime. Disclosed or closed, exposures we express were meant to be kept private, a disguise to justify assumptions so misread as to engage our bodies to the lies our sheets lie, crumpled stale untidy mess.

pearls 

As Easily Regret

Our sheets lie crumpled, stale untidy mess I've not cleaned up yet, no. Your cigarette half finished, half remembered at its worst extinguishes what's left of longing, yet its ash makes your scent hang on all the less. I wanted you with me here longer, yes. Was vagueness in my eye that wound a net? I want you still. That must be love, I guess, or something I'll as easily regret. But heed your friends' advice - Were you to let me keep you here, it'd be to wild excess you'd best abandon. Home and family first! And that way, as your allies no doubt stress, you're trained to handle every foreign threat.

pearls 

Another Life

You're trained to handle every foreign threat? Don't think I don't appreciate your locks and keys and walls and guns. Your duty rocks the world, and you don't even break a sweat. It's just, I'd rather rock a bassinet. The threat I fear most's knitting up these socks with no wee feet to wear them. Freedom mocks me showing my surrender, "Not as yet." Like any sonnet, things don't get designed to fall out perfect, me with you here. So yeah, word be told, you are my life. I'd mind your leaving, but if you should have to go, the best of you will've been left behind — I have another life you wouldn't know.

pearls 

Just a Thought

I have another life. You wouldn't know its purposes. I'm boring you again. OK, I said I've got another life outside the one you favor now and then. Should we do this some time more apropos? No, never mind, no problem. I'll just go find somewhere else to be. Just tell me when you're finished up your game of man and wife and I'll pick up where I left off. I've been unnoticed. I'm not new to this. Although . . . . . . just a thought, if I might be so bold — One's other life, I'm thinking, shouldn't shut the other's other life out in the cold. A friend stands by a friend no matter what.

pearls 

Play As Though

A friend stands by a friend no matter what — that's how I know a friend is what I ain't since standing here I get kicked in the butt while any casual customer's a saint. I never had what they're prepared to pay and can't put up with what they came to take. It isn't you, that's all I guess I'll say; it's just we never had much love to make. Don't worry, you'll forget me once it's done. What I'll remember? Never mind, I know - "No strings to tie us down, all in good fun," so memories I keep'll play as though. OK, let's split one final glass of wine. I've seen the end, it's come time to resign.

pearls 

Early Dismissal

I've seen the end, it's come time to resign what trivial mission may once have been mine. The street from here on out's one angels walk whereas I'm only words to you, just talk. I hold nothing against you, that don't doubt, but nothing more between us would work out. One final kiss then. I've a train to catch, with way too many loose threads to detach and conflicts in my schedule to resolve. You know - things in which we ought not involve each other further. Say goodbye, best friend. Who said so first won't matter to our end. (I've never handled closings very well. What the hell is wrong with me! Do tell!)

pearls 

Hellbent

What the hell is wrong with me! Do tell what made me let you back into my bed. The last thing I remember having said was let's just kiss goodbye, so what the hell possessed me once again? What evil spell consumed me? — so exposed, not one thin thread to cover for me! What damnation spread me out like this, here where our bodies fell? Get up, get dressed! You know how I abhor this vice you fancy your most vile conceit. If love takes this, then let's make love no more. Let's act like I'm unfriended next we meet. You'll find that easy out your nearest door. Leave me, wicked lover! Hit the street!

pearls 

Adjuraciun

Leave me, wicked lover! Hit the street facefirst, for all I care. You'll not get missed by me, what with the company you keep. Permit me to forget you still exist since I've existed solely for defeat, scarcely worth your worst. Why then repeat our sick affair? Why risk another tryst on sins you'd have to answer for? How cheap word gets depends — to you the twist depends who's beating versus who gets beat. Go on, get out! I don't deserve the hurt of love like yours. Leave now! I must insist. Besides, it's not as though you owe me dirt — I never could've been one you'd've kissed.

pearls